Q: A priest and an imam were patiently waiting to board the MRT. When it came, only the imam could go in, why?
A: He heard an announcement “Priest stand behind the yellow line”
Q1: If a mantou and a tao sar bao went to see a sad movie (e.g. Your Name), who cried?
A: Tao sar bao, because mantou no filling (feeling).
Ah Beng and Ah Kow went travelling. After checking in to the hotel and putting down their luggage in their room, they took the lift back down. But when they looked at the buttons, they couldn’t find the floor labelled 0. Instead it was G 1 2 3 4 5 and so on. They didn’t know how to get to the ground floor.
After much head scratching, Beng pressed G, and voila, the lift took them to the ground floor. Kow was impressed. “Wah Beng, how you know which one to press?” Beng replied, “G for Gero mah”
Series one: Q: How do you put a giraffe into a fridge in three steps?
A: Open the fridge, put in the giraffe, close the fridge.
Q: How do you put a lion into the fridge in four steps?
A: open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put the lion in, close the fridge.
Series two: Q: Why did the elephant fall off the tree? A: Because it let go of the branch
Q:Why did the second elephant fall of the tree? A: Because it was holding on to the first elephant.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall off the tree? A: Because it saw the first two elephants fall off and thought they were playing a game.
Q: The king of the jungle decided to have a meeting where all the animals had to attend. All the giraffes, alligators, elephants etc were there, waiting patiently but one animal did not show up. Why?
A: The lion. It was stuck in the fridge.
Q: A group of tribesmen were crossing a river. The river is filled with alligators, anyone who drop in sure die. One of the tribesmen carrying a bamboo pole accidentally fell into the river. But he survived, how?
A: All the alligators were in the meeting.
Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning? Because it suay.
Singapore political parties:
- PAP – Pay and Pay
- WP – Why Pay?
- SDP – So Dun Pay
Guy: Can I have a coke can?
Drinks stall lady: Can cannot but bottle can.
One day, Mee Kia borrowed money from Char Siew Bao, promising to pay him back in two weeks. But when the day came, there was no sign of Mee Kia. So Char Siew Bao rounded up Ling Yong Bao and Tau Sar Bao to find the noodle and hantam him jialat-jialat.
On the hunt, they saw Maggi Goreng strolling across the road. ‘Brothers, whack him!’ Char Siew Bao commanded. And as the three Baos gave it to him one kind, Char Siew Bao shouted, ‘Eh Mee Kia! Just because you perm your hair, don’t think we cannot recognise you, okay?!’
Why did Ah Beng force 18 of his friends to watch a movie with him? Because the ad said below 18 not allowed to go in.
Ah Beng: Doctor, both my ears are red and really painful.
Doctor: What happened?
Ah Beng: I was ironing my shirt, then the phone rang. But I accidentally picked up the iron instead of my handphone. Then kena, lah!
Doctor: Then what about the other ear?! Why is it red?
Ah Beng: The stupid fella call back, lah!
Ah Lian wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Lian: “You got colour TV or not ah?”
Salesman: “Yes!”
Ah Lian: “Okay, I want pink one.”
Ah Lian is filling up an application form for a job. She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then she comes to column on “Salary Expected”, but she is not sure of the question.
After much thought, she writes ” Yes.”
After completing a jigsaw puzzle she had been working on for quite some time, Ah Lian proudly shows off the finished puzzle to Ah Beng.
“I only took five months to do one leh”, Ah Lian brags.
“Five months? So long leh!” Ah Beng exclaims.
“You siao arh!” Ah Lian replies, “See the box, it is written “For 4-7 Years”. I five months very fast liao sio!”
Ah Lian had just bought a new computer and was using it when she encountered some problems. She decided to use the ‘Help’ command. After some tries, she became irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Lian: “Where you all? I press the F1 button for help so long liao, why you all still not here in my house?”
Computer Retailer: “…”
BE HAPPY, BE STRESS-FREE. YOU GOT ONLY ONE LIFE!
